Jokes

What is Disgusting...

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"

Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."




Shit In Casino

A man walks along a lonely beach.

Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG ! He looks around: nobody's there.
I am having hallucinations, he thinks.

Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG ! So he starts to dig in
the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small
chest with a rusty lock.

The deep voice says: OPEN ! Ok, the man thinks, let's open the thing.
He finds a rock with which to destroy the lock, and when the chest
is finally open, he sees a lot of gold coins.

The deep voice says: TO THE CASINO ! Well the casino is only a few
miles away, so the man takes the chest and walks to the casino.

The deep voice says: ROULETTE ! So he changes all the gold into a
huge pile of roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables, where
the players gaze at him with disbelief.

The deep voice says: 27 ! He takes the whole pile and drops it
at the 27. The table nearly bursts. Everybody is quiet when the
croupier throws the ball. ..... The ball stays at the 26.

The deep voice says: SHIT !


I Can't Hear You

At one local church, Joe was in charge of taking up the offerings.

One Sunday after the services, the priest counted the cash and found
it was smaller than anticipated. So he questioned Joe. He told him
that it did not seem enough for the size of the congregation.
Joe said that he did not take any of the offering. The priest again
questioned him and again he said that he did not take any of the
offering. So the priest said "get in the confessional" which Joe did.

Then the priest asked him did you take any of the offering and this
time he said "I can't hear you". Again the priest asked "Joe did you
take any of the offering?" Again Joe answered "I can't hear you".
This time the priest yelled "JOE DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING"
Again Joe answered "I can't hear you". By this time the priest was
getting a little angry so he came out of the confessional and said
"Joe trade places with me and you can ask me a question."

So they traded places and Joe asked " I hear that you and my wife are
having an affair, is that true?" To which the priest answered
"By God! you really can't hear in here"

Okay, Try Again......

A computer engineer, a systems analyst, and a programmer are driving
down a mountain road when the brakes fail. They scream down the
mountain gaining speed every second and screeching around corners.
Finally they manage to stop, more by luck than by judgement, inches
from a thousand foot drop to the jagged rocks on the valley floor.
More than slightly shaken, they emerge from the car. "I think I can
fix it," says the computer engineer. The systems analyst says, "No,
I think we should take it into town and have a specialist examine
it." The programmer holding his chin between thumb and forefinger
says, "Okay, but first I think we should get back in and see if it
does it again.."


JAMES BOND MEETS A TELUGU GUY...............

On a flight James bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy.

Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?"
James Bond: "My name is Bond" Continuing in his inimitable style,
"......James Bond."

Then Bond asks: "And you?"
Telugu Guy: " My name is Rao...
Siva Rao...
Samba Siva Rao...
Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva
Rao..."

Since then when anyone asks Bond his name he simply says "James Bond"